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"Plutot une affaire d'amour sale," Missy was going to say, butstopped and looked down with a face from which all the light hadgone,a very different face from the one with which she hadlooked at him. She would not mention to Katerina Alexeevna even,so vulgar a pun, but only said, "We all have our good and our baddays." human hair wigs glueless

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"Is it possible that he, too, will deceive?" she thought; "afterall that has happened it would be very bad of him." human hair wigs gumtree

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If Missy had had to explain what she meant by "after all that hashappened," she could have said nothing definite, and yet she knewthat he had not only excited her hopes but had almost given her apromise. No definite words had passed between them,only looksand smiles and hints; and yet she considered him as her own, andto lose him would be very hard.



"Shameful and stupid, horrid and shameful!" Nekhludoff keptsaying to himself, as he walked home along the familiar streets.The depression he had felt whilst speaking to Missy would notleave him. He felt that, looking at it externally, as it were, hewas in the right, for he had never said anything to her thatcould be considered binding, never made her an offer; but he knewthat in reality he had bound himself to her, had promised to behers. And yet to-day he felt with his whole being that he couldnot marry her.

"Shameful and horrid, horrid and shameful!" he repeated tohimself, with reference not only to his relations with Missy butalso to the rest. "Everything is horrid and shameful," hemuttered, as he stepped into the porch of his house. "I am notgoing to have any supper," he said to his manservant Corney, whofollowed him into the dining-room, where the cloth was laid forsupper and tea. "You may go."

"Yes, sir," said Corney, yet he did not go, but began clearingthe supper off the table. Nekhludoff looked at Corney with afeeling of ill-will. He wished to be left alone, and it seemed tohim that everybody was bothering him in order to spite him. WhenCorney had gone away with the supper things, Nekhludoff moved tothe tea urn and was about to make himself some tea, but hearingAgraphena Petrovna's footsteps, he went hurriedly into thedrawing-room, to avoid being seen by her, and shut the door afterhim. In this drawing-room his mother had died three monthsbefore. On entering the room, in which two lamps with reflectorswere burning, one lighting up his father's and the other hismother's portrait, he remembered what his last relations with hismother had been. And they also seemed shameful and horrid. Heremembered how, during the latter period of her illness, he hadsimply wished her to die. He had said to himself that he wishedit for her sake, that she might be released from her suffering,but in reality he wished to be released from the sight of hersufferings for his own sake.

Trying to recall a pleasant image of her, he went up to look ather portrait, painted by a celebrated artist for 800 roubles. Shewas depicted in a very low-necked black velvet dress. There wassomething very revolting and blasphemous in this representationof his mother as a half-nude beauty. It was all the moredisgusting because three months ago, in this very room, lay thissame woman, dried up to a mummy. And he remembered how a few daysbefore her death she clasped his hand with her bony, discolouredfingers, looked into his eyes, and said: "Do not judge me, Mitia,if I have not done what I should," and how the tears came intoher eyes, grown pale with suffering.

"Ah, how horrid!" he said to himself, looking up once more at thehalf-naked woman, with the splendid marble shoulders and arms,and the triumphant smile on her lips. "Oh, how horrid!" The baredshoulders of the portrait reminded him of another, a young woman,whom he had seen exposed in the same way a few days before. Itwas Missy, who had devised an excuse for calling him into herroom just as she was ready to go to a ball, so that he should seeher in her ball dress. It was with disgust that he remembered herfine shoulders and arms. "And that father of hers, with hisdoubtful past and his cruelties, and the bel-esprit her mother,with her doubtful reputation." All this disgusted him, and alsomade him feel ashamed. "Shameful and horrid; horrid and shameful!"

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